Saturday, February 12, 2011

It is done: The Day Job Quitting Thing

So the daytime job will be officially over Monday. Well-- I resign officially Monday although I think I quit in my head a long time ago. 10 years building something is a long time to realize I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. Time to take some time for the kids, do some product design, and fire up the creative side. It's like removing a dingy film from my eyes after many years of going through the motions.

How do you resign from your job?

There are so many questions though about this whole process. It's not like I'm a pro. I've stuck with this job for 10 years and really before that it was school stuff. I know it's customary for professional level folks to provide 3 weeks notice. I also get that my letter should have nothing in it except for how happy I was to be there and how much I've learned and how much I will just treasure my experience. (retch) There's no burning bridges allowed- besides- some of these people may end up being customers of mine. No reason for them to see me an unprofessional.Besides- it's not the company's fault I'm not engaging- it's mine. It's not ingrained in me to expect others to take care of what I should be doing. My motivation to engage is long gone. It's not the company's role or my manager's role to ferret out how to hand-hold me. Someone once told me that when you feel that the BS-Meter raises past eyebrow level, it's time to move on. I think that's about right. Everything is predictably annoying and my focus is shattered by simple things all day long.

Working for a dinosaur
I do work for a dinosaur of an industry. It relishes in all of those things that the books, seminars, and training classes tell you NOT to do if you want a high performing team. There is matrix within a matrix within a matrix level management before you hit the program and before you hit the project level. The responsibility is so distributed that I literally have over 9 people that can give me independent direction at any time. Only four of those are physically considered to be a manager of mine.. no wait- I think there are more. Dang. How many resignation letters do I print? This brings up my central issue for Monday- who in in he** do I give my notice to first? I've thought about finding a bulletin board and posting it there. Is there just supposed to be one person that is supposed to see it first? Is it physically possible to hand out multiple letters at the same time? I know e-mailing the silly thing isn't kosher. It's almost like there are so few centralized decision makers that I may quit and leave and nobody would have noticed because I gave the dumb letter to the wrong person. It makes me sad for the company and the people that work there. The morale there is so low you almost expect anti-depressants to be given out in at the break area.

People's Reaction
I think I'm nervous about this a little. What do I say? "Yes, I'm quitting with no solid prospect in a corporate environment- I'm relying on myself." I'm telling you right now- that goes over like a treat to panicking cattle. The eyes get really wide and the head starts shaking a little back and forth and I can tell that I must live on a different plane of existence. They believe that what I'm daring to say outloud is poison and dangerous revolutionary talk.

I've realized I can't tolerate the corporate environment. It's like wearing someone else's shoes. I need the risk on the outside- it helps me feel as though I have unlimited potential. Trying to fit into a mold is itchy and smelly. On the other hand there is a sadder reaction. Others that I have told just kind of glaze over and start daydreaming about "What they should have done" long ago. I can't be that person that wonders what could have been.

On the family side I'm craving knowledge on what is going on with my kids' lives. I can't live a fractured separate life characterized by too little time and expect that to work out on its own for their best. Flitting about the country on airplanes, rushing supper, picking a bedtime book based on how short it is, and the constant dreaming of sleep. I don't even know what my daughter is learning in school right now- and that's sad to me. I don't want to be overbearing and hyper-involved but I want to support her and make fun engaging supporting activities at home that match what she's learning in school and not save my time with her for the weekend.

*sigh* Wish me luck and look for fun new products once I get some more free time!

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